Where to begin… hmm.. I could probably write a book. Maybe someday I will. But for now, I will try to summarize.
I started this blog, aptly named Passionately Imperfect, because that is what I am. I am leading a very passionate life and loving the imperfections along the way. God has blessed me more than I deserve. He has pulled me from ruin and restored me to a better condition than before. A partial result of this restoration was the WhoIsBeautiful project, birthed out of my own journey. You can check it out at www.whoisbeautiful.org. This blog is an extension of that project – a place for me to share my thoughts, opinions, and adventures.
A few years ago, my husband and I decided to hop off the hamster wheel, get out of the box, and live from the inside out. We sold almost everything we owned and came to Bible College in Dallas, Texas. It has been an adventure ever since! We have been through alot, as I’m sure many of you have as well. But God has proven Himself to be faithful and good. We are living testimonies of his goodness. At one point in our lives, we weren’t even sure if we would stay married. We had truly made a mess of things in more ways than one. I remember the night I cried out to Him to help me. I was at my parents house, separated from my husband. I was at a loss as to what to do, so I just opened my bible. I didn’t even know what to read, but I knew there was life in His word. I prayed that night that no matter what happened between my husband and me, I would no longer live that way. I completely surrendered my life to Christ that night and have never turned back.
Blessings did of course come. We had two beautiful children and were happily living the American life. Then my husband completely surrendered his life to Christ. Now, you may ask “Didn’t he do that years before?”. Friends, he did what so many people do when they ‘surrender’. He kept pieces and parts of his heart closed to the Lord, caution taped if you will. He didn’t allow God into those places. Therefore, he was not totally surrendered. God has a way of making us extremely uncomfortable until we relinquish those areas. As soon as my husband gave up the fight, the Lord became real in his life. And, he unmistakably felt the need to live for a greater purpose than his own selfish desires.
So off to Bible College we went. We thought we were entering the ministry at that time. However, the Lord quickly let us know that there was still much work and refining to be done before we were ready. We worked through many issues from our pasts as we worked through the material we were learning in class. We had another baby too – a precious little girl. One of the major areas God revealed in my life was a deep root of self-hatred and insecurity. These roots surfaced in many ways, but one in particular was perfectionism – this idea that I can never let anyone know that I have faults. Must. Keep. It. All. Together. Ugghh! Even typing that right now shows me how far I’ve come. Praise God!
Through my journey to self-acceptance I have learned the beauty in loving your whole self, not just the good parts. I have learned that the Lord does make beautiful things. I have learned that we put too much effort into trying to keep up appearances (in all areas of our lives). I have also learned that our society just feeds this idea that we need to be perfect. It is a breeding ground, ripe for the harvest of negative thoughts that bombard your mind when you don’t meet expectations. Things are not always as they seem. I encourage you to seek truth, live purposefully, and push for understanding. Ask yourself the hard questions. Trust that God will reveal his truth in you and will ignite your life with a purpose that will impact those around you.
Thank you for following my journey.